Get all 14 Dwight Evan Young releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Fears of Broken [Body|Heart|Mind], Without You (Mr. Stark), Christmas of Want, Dark Tide, Chained to the Past, Always, In the Catacombs, Corned Beef Hash, and 6 more.
1. |
Marty's Problem
04:23
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Marty’s Problem
Dwight Evan Young/Vince Rostkowski
The other night my car broke down,
Just outside of town.
I need a little fuel
To get my feet up off the ground.
But it’s been a heavy week,
I’ve made a friend, but he’s a geek,
Found out my dad’s a peeping Tom,
But I don’t have much room to speak.
And I got hit by a car,
Woke up pantsless in the dark, and
This girl has got the hots for me,
But she looks a bit bizarre.
And this idiot from class
Says he’s gonna kick my ass
Cause I dirtied up his car,
But I don’t think he’s got the brass.
I ain’t no chicken,
But time is tickin’,
I’ve gotta go.
[CHORUS]
I’m stuck in 1955, I need plutonium to drive.
I’m starting to expect I’m never gonna get home again.
This geriatric lunatic’s got a plan, and I’ll stick to it.
Anything to keep myself from fading away.
Nobody knows when lightning strikes,
But with any luck tonight
I’ll find my way back home.
I gotta get the class nerd laid,
Or at least get him a date,
A little romance at the dance tonight
And I hope it’s not too late.
But this douche is feeling up the girl
So I hope this nerd can fight,
I’m so done with all of this
I’m feeling sick, cause
I just made out with my mother,
She said I kiss just like a brother.
I don’t quite know how she knows it
And I don’t think that I want to.
This incestuous sexual tension
Would give Freud an erection.
But it’s not like I had options
Or a way out…
[CHORUS]
“Man, I wish I could, just… you know, make like a tree and get out of here.”
[CHORUS]
I’m stuck in 1955, I need plutonium to drive.
I’m starting to expect I’m never gonna get home again.
This geriatric lunatic’s got a plan, and I’ll stick to it.
Anything to keep myself from fading away.
Nobody knows when lightning strikes,
But with any luck tonight
I’ll find my way back to the future again.
Back to 1985, I’d just be glad to be alive,
And hopefully there’ll be no major repercussions
For meddling with the past… shit.
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2. |
Cheesecake
02:14
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Cheesecake
Dwight Evan Young/Vince Rostkowski
The meaning of life is an issue, complex,
Through which many philosophers struggle.
But I assure you I’ve discovered the secret:
Life is… like cheesecake.
They’re exceptionally wise,
But the greatest of minds
Have failed to consider this limitless cake,
Ontological proof for the substance of life:
Cheesecake is the thing we all seek.
Aristotle, Descartes, and Immanuel Kant
Ain’t got shit on this theory,
This Cheese-osophy:
As we are like the cake,
So too we must bake,
To become as the pastry would be:
[CHORUS]
Sweet till the very end,
Savory with a friend,
Smooth till the last tangy bite leaves you longing for more.
Rich when you share it well,
It’s thick, but still swell,
That’s why I tell you life is like cheesecake.
I cheesecake therefore I am.
The unexamined cheesecake is not worth eating.
Cheesecake is the measure of all things.
You cannot step in the same cheesecake twice.
[CHORUS]
In cheesecake we trust!
Graham-crackery crust!
Smooth till the last cheesy bite melts in your mouth.
Fattening in excess,
Served with chocolate is best,
And strawberries are nice with cheesecake!
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3. |
Sonnet
03:04
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Sonnet
Dwight Evan Young/Vince Rostkowski
I wrote you a Shakespearean sonnet.
It took a year to phrase it just right.
Internal rhyme each line I wrote on it,
First to last verse, it’s bound to excite.
Babe, you’ll be just smitten
With my juxtaposition.
Inspiration struck me like a comet,
It’s so sincere, can’t wait for you to hear…
[CHORUS]
You’d be so impressed
With my sonnet, I confess,
You’d let me in your heart,
Where I ought to be.
Words can overjoy,
Overstate overt and coy
Feelings I can’t hide,
You revive in me.
I hid my work, there’s no need to flaunt it.
Poems for girls are just a bit cliché.
I’d read it now, but somehow it’s gone, it
Must have grown legs, got up and ran away.
Lost, my fleeting artwork,
Goodbye my wit and wry quirks.
Well maybe I didn’t write you a sonnet,
The thought still counts—It’s been a busy year…
[CHORUS]
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4. |
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DuckTales
Mark Mueller
Life is like a hurricane, here in Duck Burg.
Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, it's a duck blur.
Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history!
Duck Tales (woo oo)
Everyday they're out there making,
Duck Tales (woo oo)
Tales of daring-do bad and good
Luck Tales (woo oo)
D-D-Danger lurks behind you!
There's a stranger out to find you!
What to do? Just grab on to some
Duck Tales (woo oo)
Everyday they're out there making,
Duck Tales (woo oo)
Tales of daring-do bad and good
Luck Tales (woo oo)
Everyday they're out there making,
Duck Tales (woo oo)
Tales of daring-do bad and good
Luck Tales (woo oo)
Not pony tails or cotton tails,
No, Duck Tales (woo oo)
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5. |
Cookies for Dinner
04:10
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Cookies For Dinner
Dwight Evan Young/Paul Trahey/Vince Rostkowski
Cookies for dinner!
It me favorite food!
Crunchy, chewy, round or square,
They always taste real good.
When me hear the oven beep
It put me in the mood
To gobble all the cookies up
Cause that’s what monsters do.
Fire up the oven!
Grease the pan and stir the mix!
I need to get my fix.
Me mother say I need a balanced diet every meal,
She hid them in a jar, when I was ten I learned to steal.
She warned of diabetes, said they’d chop me at the knee,
But that’s good enough for me!
I had my first cookie in the second grade,
By 3rd I ate a pack a day.
Now I got myself my own Keebler Elf
Cause I can put a whole gross away.
The girly scouts used to visit my house
But I paid with a counterfeit bill…
I had crumbs on my face when the feds took my place,
And they locked my sorry ass in jail.
But me Cookie Monster!
Me no got restraint!
And I can’t be what I ain’t.
My doctor say I need a balanced diet every meal,
But he’s a quack, and he don’t know how cookies make me feel.
He said they’ll find me dead within a year, I beg to disagree
Cause they’re good enough for me!
And it’s cookies for dinner cause it’s all I can afford
With the chinawoman bleeding me dry!
Hounding me for rent, but she won’t get a cent
Cause I got fired in September, and I’ll need to get a tent
And my cheating wife left with the postman
Cause she needs more stability!
If she wanted stability she shouldn’t have married a “Cookie.” “Monster.”
But I’ll do what I want,
I’m my own monster,
I don’t got a problem!
Oatmeal Raisin— And you know what?
She acts like she’s so much better than me.
“Moderation!”
Moderation, my furry blue ass!
That cheating skank said I need a balanced diet every meal,
She ran away and took my children Horace and Lucille.
I sold my kidney just to eat, now I piss blood each time I sneeze,
But they’re good enough for me!
I told myself I need a balanced diet every meal,
But I’ve lost so much that cookies are the only thing that’s real.
My cookie may have crumbled, you’ll say my life is not ideal,
But it’s good enough for me!
Good enough for me….
Good enough for me.
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6. |
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Marty’s Problem
Dwight Evan Young/Vince Rostkowski
The other night my car broke down,
Just outside of town.
I need a little fuel
To get my feet up off the ground.
But it’s been a heavy week,
I’ve made a friend, but he’s a geek,
Found out my dad’s a peeping Tom,
But I don’t have much room to speak.
And I got hit by a car,
Woke up pantsless in the dark, and
This girl has got the hots for me,
But she looks a bit bizarre.
And this idiot from class
Says he’s gonna kick my ass
Cause I dirtied up his car,
But I don’t think he’s got the brass.
I ain’t no chicken,
But time is tickin’,
I’ve gotta go.
[CHORUS]
I’m stuck in 1955, I need plutonium to drive.
I’m starting to expect I’m never gonna get home again.
This geriatric lunatic’s got a plan, and I’ll stick to it.
Anything to keep myself from fading away.
Nobody knows when lightning strikes,
But with any luck tonight
I’ll find my way back home.
I gotta get the class nerd laid,
Or at least get him a date,
A little romance at the dance tonight
And I hope it’s not too late.
But this douche is feeling up the girl
So I hope this nerd can fight,
I’m so done with all of this
I’m feeling sick, cause
I just made out with my mother,
She said I kiss just like a brother.
I don’t quite know how she knows it
And I don’t think that I want to.
This incestuous sexual tension
Would give Freud an erection.
But it’s not like I had options
Or a way out…
[CHORUS]
“Man, I wish I could, just… you know, make like a tree and get out of here.”
[CHORUS]
I’m stuck in 1955, I need plutonium to drive.
I’m starting to expect I’m never gonna get home again.
This geriatric lunatic’s got a plan, and I’ll stick to it.
Anything to keep myself from fading away.
Nobody knows when lightning strikes,
But with any luck tonight
I’ll find my way back to the future again.
Back to 1985, I’d just be glad to be alive,
And hopefully there’ll be no major repercussions
For meddling with the past… shit.
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7. |
Tom's Thoughts
00:32
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